Small break - not a kip - is my idea of perfect prep

I CAN'T ever remember doing a Phil Bardsley and crashing out on a duvet of £50 notes, but unlike the half-witted Sunderland show-off at least I've got a couple of days off this week.

You'd think the Mackem lads'd get it, wouldn't you. Italian headcase comes in, one who has taken great delight in putting the boot into lesser mortals and has promised to do exactly the same up on Wearside, and still they try it on.

When Bardsley's turning out at right-back for Hartlepool next season, picking up fivers rather than kipping on fifties, maybe he'll have figured it out.

Anyway, worry not, Bunter disciples. I'll be back in plenty of time to offer my thoughts on this Bank Holiday's £120 million match which, as we all know, is nothing to do with the Champions League final.

Dortmund versus Munich is strictly second division in terms of a financial windfall next to the Championship play-off on Monday which, the last time I tuned into Sky, was being hailed as the £120 million match.

Mind you that was a couple of days ago so it's probably - in fact, certainly, if Jim ‘Hyper' White has been on air recently - worth about £140 million now. The sort of sum that'd make a nice pillow for Bardsley should he ever find himself nodding off in a casino again.