Clarets can spur hosts to create goal glut at Lane
The Premier League weekend kicks off with Manchester City - minus Sergio Aguero, Vincent Kompany and Edin Dzeko - against Crystal Palace and it's so obviously going to finish 2-0 to City (Nasri and Lampard, if you're interested) that I can't even be bothered to have a bet on it.
Instead, I'm keeping my powder dry - whatever that means - to get stuck into both teams to score in Tottenham's 3pm clash with Burnley.
This fixture has a cast-iron guarantee of goalmouth action. Don't just take my word for it - check out the head-to-head record between Spurs and the Clarets elsewhere on this fine website.
Who can forget Tottenham's 8-1 win at White Hart Lane in 1930 or the 4-4 draw in north London 30 years later. And what about the 1963-64 season when the pair's two league meetings featured 14 goals - a 7-2 home win for Burnley and a 3-2 victory for Spurs.
You want fresher form than that? Last time Burnley were in the Premier League, in 2008-09, they beat Tottenham 4-2 at home and lost 5-0 at the Lane while the season before their two-legged League Cup semi-final produced ten goals (two of them, amazingly, scored by Roman Pavlyuchenko.
Don't tell me - you want even fresher form than that. You're pushing your luck, but I'm a patient man so here goes: Spurs have kept one clean sheet in their last nine league games and Burnley have scored in eight of their last ten.
Now to the only number that really matters - both teams to score at White Hart Lane is 10-11, which is an even nicer price if you stick it in a double with MK Dons to beat Oldham in League One.
Right, I'm going to settle down to enjoy a DVD of that 8-1 win for Tottenham in 1930.
Oh great, Robbie Savage is doing the half-time analysis. How is that even possible?